(a.k.a. Nancy Drew Fanfic Epic Plot of Doom)
When I was in secondary school and in between a steady diet of Sidney Sheldon, Tom Clancy, Marlo Puzo and John Grisham, I plotted out in excruciating detail long Nancy Drew fan fiction wherein a 22-year-old Nancy was a super-special super-secret agent for the CIA. She is called home from her undercover life as a college student* because her father, Carson Drew was killed during a gas leak ‘accident’ at home.
Only, of course, it was no ‘accident’.
Despite unexpected discouragement from the local police and Carson’s friends in the DA’s office, Nancy is determined to find out who killed her father and why. She does some digging, gets a mysterious note from a mysterious man who mysteriously falls on the railway tracks and discovers that Carson’s last case involved the Italian Mafia and a ‘Secret Source’ who claimed he could connect Mafia activities with the Top Echelon of not just the US of A, both the governments of a lot of the world’s super powers: we’re talking USSR (back then), the UK, China, and Saudi Arabia. These Top Echelon guys formed a Super Secret Society called the Illuminati who have been responsible for everything from the European Revolutions to the Assassination of JRK to the attack on Pearl Harbor!
Nancy’s bosses from the CIA call her in from her time off and ask her to quit the investigation – it’s a no-case. She refuses and she turns rogue. At first she has Bess, George and Ned by her side but along the line, her best friend George and her fiancé Ned betray her for her own good. So it’s just Nancy and Bess for a while. Dodging the CIA, and FBI who have a Shoot To Kill warrant on her head, and of course, the super-secret agents of the Illuminati who for some strange reason seem to want her alive, Nancy has a series of adventures while getting closer to the truth of the Illuminati. She goes undercover as Helen Archer for some time; the Hardy boys make a cameo in Paris when she and the boys conduct a heist of some of Marie Antoinette’s letters from the Louvre**, letters that reference the Secret Society; Tom Swift does ‘Q’ shift by providing Nancy with a pocket-sized inflatable air balloon that is indispensable in Tibet***; she breaks up with Bess when she finds out that Bess made out with Ned once when Nancy was on one of her exotic adventures****; she gets almost killed at least 3 times and is finally captured after the ‘break up’ with Bess when a distraught Nancy runs out into the streets of Lagos and is taken out by a carefully aimed sleeping-draught dart.
The story ends when Nancy wakes up in the Super Secret Underground Stronghold of the Illuminati somewhere fathoms deep in the Gulf of Guinea, where she escapes from her cell and stumbles upon a meeting amongst the members of the Illuminati: members who included most of all the ruling presidents and prime ministers at the time. But the big shock isn’t the Guest List of VIP, it’s the relative unknown who is sitting at the head of the conference table and clearly the one running the show: Nancy’s mother, Ann Austin.*****
No, I never anything more than a chapter-by-chapter outline. What a pity. I’m sure it would have given me a good laugh to read it now. :P
*Yep, I came up with the plot of Alias before J. J. Abrams, bitches!
**Not exactly Da Vinci, but close enough. ;)
***I told you I wrote this in secondary school!
****Specifically, during a Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Super Mystery (whose name I cannot recall) which is doubly ironic because Nancy and Frank Hardy were doing some sort of mating dance all through out the book.
*****This name isn’t canon by the way as Nancy’s mother is essentially name-less but she had to be called something and I remembered from some other book that her maiden name was Austin.